Charlie Tilson Oct. 20, 1955 - Sept. 2, 1998

September 2, 2008 was the tenth anniversary of the death of my husband, Charlie Tilson. We were married for 19 years. He had enormous musical talent, possessed a rapier wit countered by an endearing and sentimental side. He faced his illness, and its initial poor prognosis upon diagnosis with equanimity and bravery. His 53rd birthday would have been October 20, 2008.

For those of you who knew him, enjoy the pictures & narrative - including words from Charlie. If you are so inclined please, please share your thoughts and memories here. Just a line or two from friends would mean so much. Charlie is also survived by his mother Margie, sister Kay, nephews, and cousins. Your sharing on this forum will be a gift to them.

Margie, Charlie's Mother; Kay, Charlie's sister; and Charlie at Kay's home

For my many friends who never met him, my hope is that I can acquaint you with him here

Sally Woodward Harris
Houston, Texas
October 19, 2008

Katie Melua wrote a beautiful song, Faraway Voice, about Eva Cassidy, a singer who, like Charlie, succumbed to cancer at a young age. Turn on your speakers then click on the arrow to play the Youtube Video and while Katie is singing, scroll down and read her lyrics and enjoy the pictures...




Faraway voice,
We can hear you voice,
What's it like to be heard?
But from you not a word.
Are you over those hills,
Do you still hum the old melodies,
Do you wish people listened,
Over here with me?


Faraway voice,
What I would give, would give to hear that voice,
What's it like to breathe?
My ears deceive me, voice,

And I will walk with you on a summers day,
And I will talk to you,
Though you're far away,
And we'll sing through the years.
Are you over those hills,
Do you still hum the old melodies,
Do you wish people listened,
Over here with me?

Eulogy

My dear brother-in-law, Dr. Carl Walters, who is the department chair of Religious Studies at St. Andrews Presbyterian College in Laurinburg, North Carolina gave a very moving tribute/eulogy at Charlie's Celebration of Life Service September 6, 1998 in Houston, Texas. Prior to composing the eulogy, Carl met with family and friends to elicit our experiences and memories. I dug it out last night...I had not read it in over nine years. There were so many wonderful things I had forgotten. In the final 2 months, when the cancer had spread to his brain, causing immense pain, loss of vision, and some confusion, I believe it brought out and intensified his true essence. Charlie was a kind, warm and loving man. I want to share Carl's eulogy in entirety:

"When Jesus was just about to leave his disciples, his beloved friends, and soon to pass through the deep valley of terminal suffering and the door we call death, to enter into His transcendent, universal, and eternal life, to return home, he spoke to his friends saying, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, not as the world gives, give I unto you.
Let not your hearts be troubled. Neither let them be afraid."

Yesterday morning, at Cindy and Marc Lenoir's home, Sally and I talked about Charlie. More precisely, Sally shared with me some of the wonderful things Charlie said to her during these last past months. Unsurprisingly, some were really funny. Like when he was about to get another dose of pain medication, he said to Sally, "OK, but will you be the designated driver?" Some of the things he said were heart-breakingly sweet, some profound. All were touching. He called his nurses his "soft cotton balls".

I think it might be fair to say a Charlie Tilson translation of Jesus' comforting and reassuring words to his friends and family would be what he said to Sally one day recently:
"Don't cry, Booby, I want you to be Orangie and Smart."
Let not your hearts be troubled.

And what Charlie said to Sally suddenly, one day near the end-and-the new-beginning: "God is showing me a movie". And after waiting a respectful silence Sally asked, "What is it like, what do you see?" Charlie said, "Look how pretty and fluffy the clouds are."
Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

The Apostle Paul, in the 19th Chapter of his first letter to the Christians in Corinth, concludes a hymn to Christ-like love with these words "So faith, hope, and love abide - these three - but the greatest of these is love" Faith (or trust), hope, and love - these three last forever, but the greatest of these is love.

And the disciple called John wrote in his first letter, "God is love, and whosoever loves is born of God and knows God, for God is Love." True lovers come from God and go to God, for God is love. Charlie was a true lover.

Charlie loved Sally and Sally loved Charlie in a very special, unique, exemplary way. Not long ago, Charlie called their love their "elusive treasure."

Puerta Vallarta, Mexico 1995

Yesterday afternoon in the Lenoir's living room, I listened for two hours to dear friends of Sally and Charlie remember Charlie. Glenda Joe, Karin McFarland, Bob Wickham, Cindy LeNoir, and Cousin Pam Payne. All of these dear friends agreed that the love between Sally and Charlie was graceful and mutually fulfilling. As one person put it, "Charlie and Sally were one, knowing them has renewed my faith in love."

Scotch taped to the ceiling in Charlie and Sally's home above the hospital bed in the living room, there is right now a paper which reads in red Valentine's script, "Sally Loves Charlie". Valentine's was their special day. Last Valentine's Day was the last day Charlie played the piano in public. Those who heard him that night say it was the best he ever played, beyond himself, outside himself. One friend said, "he was playing to save his life". And in a sense he did.
Charlie loved Sally and Sally loved Charlie in a very special, mutually supportive, respectful, and life-enhancing way. They still do.

Charlie and Sally


Charlie was a true lover. Charlie loved his family, or more accurately, his families, all of us, every one of us individually. Of course he loved uniquely his mother and father, and his sister, but also his step parents, and all of Sally's family, even a rather come-lately brother in law by marriage. But his relation to his father-in-law, Allan, was something to behold! Two musicians, older and younger Buddies, there in the living room of the Harris family home in New Orleans. Jamming. Laying it down. Charlie with his piano and Allan with his clarinet. Jazz and Blues, and Old Favorites. Sweet notes. Hot licks. In tune. In sync. Anticipation. Improvisation. And infinite patience until they got it just right. I'll never forget those two together. They will live together in my mind and heart forever. A special friendship. A special love. And each could not wait to tell the other his latest, outrageous off-color joke. I can hear the guffaws now.

Allan and Charlie, November 1997, 3 days before Charlie's diagnosis

Charlie was a true lover. He loved people. He loved his friends. And he had many - many more real friends than most people. Because he was open and positive and interested and receptive; his friends describe friendship with Charlie as immediate, spontaneous, and enduring. As Pam said yesterday, "Charlie never met a stranger". And as Glenda said, "He attracted friends like crazy!". And as Pam reminded us, on festive occasions, "he never let a lady pass an evening without a dance!" Honest, direct, loyal, putting his friendship into practice. "Actions speak louder than words", that was Charlie. He just didn't talk the talk, he walked the walk. When he was told that the doctors had done all they could do, his concern was not for himself but for Sally.
Charlie was a true lover. He loved music, his art, his work - yes he had his playful, jokester, relaxed and very funny side - but he was a consummate professional; dedicated, disciplined, and responsible. He set high standards for himself and he worked hard to meet them. And his fellow musicians recognized him for his excellence.

Probably Karin put it best when she said: "I just loved his music. He played from his soul. I learned from Charlie. We were musical soul mates. We were 'on'. As my children would say in HipHop language: Charlie was The Bomb. He was Phat. He was a bag of chips and then some."

Sally and Karin

When Sally called Ellen and me in North Carolina to tell us that Charlie's cancer was terminal, immediately a simple song I sang so many years ago around campfires at summer camps came into my heart-mind and has been singing itself there daily since. "All things shall perish from from under the sky. Music alone shall live, music alone shall live, music alone shall live, never to die". Charlie was music. Charlie will never die.

Many ancient philosophers spoke of the eternal music of the spheres. Modern physicists and astronomers say that since creation the Universe has been singing. The Vedas and the Upanishads, sacred Scriptures of Hinduism, teach that the sound, the tone OM is not only symbolic for, but actually is, the all-encompassing Divine Brahman. Poets tell us that music is the language of the immortals. And we all know Musique est la languge du couer et du monde - the language of the heart and the world. One day recently, Charlie told Sally that in heaven he would not have to work so hard! He could compose and practice. Play on, Dear Brother, play on!

Charlie loved a good joke and a good laugh and to give laughter and joy to to others. Indeed, all his friends agree, his whole life was joie de vivre, an "Ode to Joy". I personally enjoyed watching Charlie telling his jokes as much as the jokes themselves! He really got into it, dramatically

Chico (Charlie), Harpo (Sally), and Groucho Marx (cousin Pam), at the Houstonian Hotel, a regular gig for Charlie and the band.

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Charlie at the Park Bar and Grill in The Woodlands, on his final night after a long run in 1996, appearing as "Charlie Vee" tacky Vegas Lounge performer.

Laughter is not only an effective tonic for the blahs, it is also a profound implicit profession of Faith. It says, symbolically, that for this moment at least we let go, we don't try to control, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. When we poke fun at our common human foibles and frailties we are saying that we are finite, we really can't "save" ourselves...that's beyond us...in the Hands and the Arms of the Infinite. Charlie kept his keen wit throughout his illness. On one occasion, when a nurse walked in while he was being given what we might politely call a "rectal" , Charlie said, "HI, and the I is for invasive!".
Let not your hearts be troubled.

What I personally experienced definitively with Charlie was his kindness, his sensitivity to the feelings of others, his respect, tolerance, and acceptance of others as worthy persons, even when he did not understand them or agree with them. Also, he really listened - rare and precious human trait. Charlie, while honest, was careful and gentle. I thought of him sincerely as "Charlie Good-Heart".

Oslo, Norway 1991

In our morning conversation yesterday, Sally said that when she and Charlie first met the most important thing about Charlie for her was his integrity, his self-respect, and his respect for others. He tried to see and hear all sides. He was an effective mediator and a wise soul for his youthful age. Charlie said that he wanted to live his life so as to have no regrets about how he related to people and handled situations. And, as we all know, he succeeded beautifully in this life goal. Although I, we all, could go on and on, I must close with these reflections and remembrances. I will do so with some brief quotations selected by Sally and a final word from Charlie.
First, from Sally:
Be not like him who sits by the fireside and watches the fire go out, then blows vainly on the dead ashes. Do not give up hope or yield to despair because of that which is past, for to bewail the irretrievable is the worst of human frailties.

Death removes but the Touch and not the awareness of all good. And he who has lived one Spring or more possesses the spiritual life of one who has lived a score of Springs.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not, for that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

The Fjords in Flam, Norway 1991

Marion, Virginia 1995

Farewell to you and the youth I have spent with you. It is but yesterday we met in a dream. But now our sleep has fled and our dream is over and it is no longer dawn. The noontime is upon us and our half waking has turned to a fuller day, and we must part. If in the twilight of memory we should meet once more, we shall speak again together and you shall sing me a deeper song.

And ever has it been known that love knows not it's own depth til the hour of separation.

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven, where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

The last curved shaped vase on the left with a yellow marigold is Charlie's. His name is engraved on the base. A gently flowing bayou with graceful willow trees are right behind the plot.

The headstone engraving at Metairie Lakelawn Cemetery

Allan Harris, Sally's sister, and Sally travel to Myrtle Beach South Carolina in November 1998 to spread Charlie's ashes

And Charlie gets the last word:

One day back in July after Sally - as she did every day - described what was happening in their backyard to Charlie after he lost his eyesight when the cancer spread to his brain: the flowers that were in bloom, the birds visiting the feeders, Charlie said: "Soon we will build a flower box for our music". And so they did ... And so they did.


Eulogy delivered By Dr. Carl Walters, Unity Church of Christianity September 6, 1998

Carl, wife Ceci and their twins Jose and Anna

Rememberances from Others

This was published in the Houston Chronicle by a group of his fans:

"A Tribute to Charlie" "Today we must say farewell to you. You had the magical ability with your wonderful talent to always make us smile, laugh and even sometimes cry. The ability to make us forget. To make us feel so special as though we were all separate stars of the night. You had the ability to turn a piano bar into the greatest concert ever heard in the world. The years you gave us were truly special. We just always thought it would never be ending in our Camelot we all enjoy. Your special smile, your twinkling eyes and the magic you did with the Ivory Keys will always, always be forever in our hearts. We love you Charlie Bill Tilson. Thank you for bringing such moments of joy, thank you for being in our lives. With thoughts and love, The Woodlands Friends.

Charlie at The Park in Woodlands, Texas



And some quotes from his lead oncologist, Fadlo R. Khuri, from M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in a letter sent to Sally after Charlie's passing:

"I am enormously sorry for your loss, but am confident that when the time came, Charlie handled his impending departure with his customarily uncanny grace...

I was enormously privileged to have the opportunity to care for Charlie, who was a truly warm and remarkable individual. At this of great loss for you, I think of no more appropriate words to offer you than the words of one great poet who eulogized another when he said, and I believe that this applies perfectly to Charlie, "You in our wonder and astonishment have built yourself a living monument....

We at M.D. Anderson realize that we are often fighting a steep uphill battle. It is a privilege to fight it alongside individuals such as yourself and Charlie that make it not only worthwhile but also a very real honor. It is safe to say that I will never forget neither you nor Charlie. Again, please accept my most sincere condolences on the loss of the wonderful man that was Charlie Tilson"

Charlie with Elizabeth, a friend made online in a cancer support group, who came to Houston to seek care from M.D. Anderson. We had so many online cancer friends. It was an amazing experience to meet a few of them in person.

Charlie and Cindy LeNoir in our hliving room, June 1998. At this time, we had made the decision to utilize Hospice services. Charlie was adamant that he wanted to remain in our home

Jon Pulling, a dear friend, ministered to Charlie at our home and also delivered a eulogy at the Celebration of Life at Unity Church, September 6. I am excerpting it here:

"...Along with his zest for life and boundless energy, Charlie was a very rich man. (After seeing all those hospital bills, I know Sally will be relieved to hear that!). No, I'm not talking about riches measured in dollars and cents. I am talking about the things that are priceless: the love, admiration, and friendship of so many people, including those of you in this audience today, and those that could not be here. Charlie has many friends before his illness was diagnosed. And those friends really came to bat for him, or should I say, Sit In For Him, when he could not continue his musical engagements. Let me tell you, you have honored Charlie and you have honored yourself by your selfless acts of kindness...

Elizabeth Kubler Ross, a noted physician and psychiatrist...wrote "People are like satin-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within"

My wife and I had gone to see Charlie at his home right after the decision to stop treatment for the cancer. This was a very difficult time for us because we all knew, including Charlie, that this would be the last time we would be together. Charlie had told Sally that morning it was time to go to church, so when we arrived, I suggested we have a prayer service with the emphasis on ministering to a sick person, namely Charlie. As I began, I was overcome with emotion but gained control and continued. There is a point in the service where I would lay my hands upon Charlie's head and offer a prayer. I was doing good until I placed my hands on Charlie's head and started the prayer. In the serenity of the moment, my emotions got the better of me. But it was at that same moment, while my hand was on Charlie's head, sobbing and trying to say the prayer, that Charlie looked up at me and without a word, put his hand upon my arm as if to say, "It's all right, I am here with you.". How's that for a switch? I am supposed to be consoling him and he winds up consoling me. In the darkness of that moment, the light from within Charlie shone brightly upon all of us.

I could go on and on with the memories I have and will treasure forever, You have many memories of your own. I would ask that you keep those memories alive. Remember Charlie. Talk about him. Relive your experiences of him. He already has eternal life in heaven. You can give him eternal life on earth. Talk to Sally about Charlie. Talk to his family. Please don't think it will hurt them more by talking about him. They are already in terrible pain over the loss of this wonderful husband, son, brother. How could you make them hurt any more by saying something nice.

There is a poem by Constance Johnson I found on the Internet that deals with the loss of a pet that addresses this beautifully. That may seem strange to some of you, but love of pets is something Charlie, Sally, Nancy and I share. So knowing Charlie's love for Dizzy and Spencer, his dogs, it seems fitting to me to close with this:

Weep not for me though I am gone
Into that gentle night
Grieve if you will, but not for long
Upon my soul's sweet flight

I am at peace, my soul's at rest
There is no need for tears
For with your love I was blessed
For all those many years

There is no pain, I suffer not
The fear now all is gone
Put now these things out of your thoughts
In your memory I live on

Remember not my fight for breath
Remember not the strife
Please do not dwell upon my death
But celebrate my life

Happy Birthday, Charlie

This is another song that reminds me of Charlie. it is sung by Eva Cassidy, who died in her mid thirties from cancer. Again, click on the arrow to hear the song, and as you do scroll through the pictures I've posted.








Today has been a special day
An anniversary, a request
That you play your piano
As the evening sun slowly sets

I never thought I'd get this old dear
Never had a reason to live so long
And the Lord's been like my shadow
Even when I was wrong
No I never thought it would turn out this way

A birthday with apologies
For all the tears and regrets
And I've always saved your poetry
For these years when you forget

So sing with me softly
As the day turns to night
And later I'll dream of paradise with you
I love you and good night